How Much is Your House Worth?

April 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can determine what your house is worth, but it is necessary to know how others determine value for your house too.  Check your Zestimate, because, believe me when I tell you the buyer knows your Zestimate and may use it against you!

 


 

 

 

 

 

Your House As  Seen By:



Yourself…


Your Buyer…



Your  Lender…


Your  Appraiser..

And

Your  County Tax   Assessor…



Keep this in mind and you will be able to sell your house much faster and for more money.  Call me for a CMA on your home today.  Let’s see how accurate your Zestimate is.

Filed Under: Fun, Real Estate

Mid-Week Humor – Funny Real Estate Ads

January 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Fun, Real Estate Tagged With:

Mid-Week Laugh – Puns for Educated Minds

January 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment
- My favorites are numbers 13 and 16 and the first one is pretty clever.  Enjoy…
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine ..
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
24. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With:

Mid-Week Laugh

December 28, 2011 By 8 Comments

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ said one boy. During this process, several of the nuts dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…’

He was sure he knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

‘Come here quick,’ said the boy, ‘you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and God are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!’

The man said, ‘Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.’ When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.’

The old man whispered, ‘Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see them…’

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of this exchange.

At last they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.’

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him .

Filed Under: Fun

Mid-Week Laugh – Why You Should Be a Realtor!

November 30, 2011 By 9 Comments

This is a funny representation of how we as Realtors get paid!

 

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With:

What to do with all the leftovers? – Recipe!

November 25, 2011 By 7 Comments

Monday to Friday 4 Cheese Turkey Casserole

  Ingredients

  • 3/4 pound medium egg noodles, boiled for about 6 minutes or until still firm to the bite
  • 10-ounce package thawed frozen petite peas
  • 2 cups finely chopped cooked turkey
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1/4 cup each of shredded or chopped blue cheese, mozzarella, Parmesan and ricotta
  • 1/4 cup sliced almonds
  • Salt and pepper

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl combine the noodles, peas and turkey. In a skillet bring the cream to a simmer. Remove the skillet from heat and stir in the four cheeses. Toss this mixture with the noodles and peas, add salt and pepper and transfer to a buttered baking pan. Top with almonds and bake for 20 to 30 minutes or until bubbling hot.

©Television Food Network G.P.
All Rights Reserved.

 

Filed Under: Fun, Helpful Tips, Holidays

Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving Fun

November 24, 2011 By 5 Comments

Turkey Facts

What do you know about turkeys? Test your turkey knowledge with this fun trivia quiz! Click on the turkey to begin! Then read our collection of fun turkey facts.

Here turkey, turkey, turkey

  • Turkeys are able to adapt to a wide variety of habitats. However, most turkeys are found in hardwood forests with grassy areas.

  • The best time to see a turkey is on a warm clear day or in a light rain.

They what?

  • Turkeys have heart attacks. When the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier, fields of turkeys would drop dead.

  • Turkeys can drown if they look up when it is raining.

Eat, sleep, gobble

  • Turkeys spend the night in trees. They fly to their roosts around sunset.
  • Turkeys fly to the ground at first light and feed until mid-morning. Feeding resumes in mid-afternoon.
  • Gobbling starts before sunrise and can continue through most of the morning.

Eyes in the backs of their heads?

  • A wild turkey has excellent vision and hearing. Their field of vision is about 270 degrees. This is the main reason they continue to elude some hunters.

And they’re fast, too!

  • A spooked turkey can run at speeds up to 20 miles per hour. They can also burst into flight approaching speeds between 50-55 mph in a matter of seconds.

So close, yet so far

  • Benjamin Franklin wanted the national bird to be a turkey.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With: , , ,

23 Adult Truths

November 18, 2011 By 18 Comments
  1 Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5.   I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my
       neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just
       aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my
        collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my
        ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin
        with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still
        didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at
        the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
        phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
        from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in
        1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With:

Mid-Week Laugh – Church Ladies With Typewriters

November 9, 2011 By 5 Comments

I just had to share, this had me ROTFL!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
————————–
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
————————–
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
————————–
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
————————–
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
————————–
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
————————–
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
————————–
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
————————–
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
————————–
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
————————–
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With:

Mid-Week Fun – Tech Support

November 2, 2011 By 15 Comments

TECH SUPPORT:
.
Tech Support: These are some real conversations between technical support services and customers…

 

What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
…………………………………………
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my DVD
out !!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure it’s really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it
yet. It’s still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.
………………………………………….
Tech Support: Click on the ‘MY COMPUTER’ icon on the
Left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
…………………………………………
Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hi .. . . I can’t print.
Tech Support: Would you click on ‘START’ for me and . . ..
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on
me. I’m not Bill Gates!!!
………………………………………….
Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can’t
print. Every time I try, it says . . . ‘CAN’T FIND
PRINTER’. I even lifted the printer and placed it
in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says it can’t find it!!!
………………………………………….
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . . . . . thank you.
………………………………………….
Tech Support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for
me at the 7-11 store.
…………………………………………
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged
into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten
steps backwards.
Customer: Okay.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged
in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Wait a
moment please. . . . . . . Ah, that one does work.
Thanks.
………………………………………..
Tech Support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in
apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and the number ’7′.
Customer: Is that ’7′ in capital letters
…………………………………………
Customer: I can’t get on the internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the
correct password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
………………………………………….
Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
………………………………………..
Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has
placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but,
every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
………………………………………….
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address,
but how do I get the little circle around it.
…………………………………………
A woman customer called the Canon help desk because
she had a problem with her printer..
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that
is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by
a window, and his printer is working fine!
………………………………………….
And last, but not least . . .
.
Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen.. Now, type the letter ‘P’ to bring
up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: ‘P’ . . . on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With:
« Older Posts
Home | Featured Properties | Buyers | Sellers | Our Communities | Newsletter | Blog | Gold Members | Testimonials | About Us | Contact Us
Copyright © 2011 | Your Key Consultants | All Rights Reserved
Debbi Rivero, Realtor & Expert Seller Consultant | (443) 386-1306